Bagel Press

i know nobody cares, but i’m cheri dennis‘ friend on myspace (i know, who? right?) and she is apparently releasing a new single called “portrait of love”.

you may remember that diddy pimped all of her songs on season 2 of making the band 3, including the theme song “ooh la la” and my already forgotten summer jam ’05, “i love you”.

so apparently this chick has been on bad boy for a little longer than forever, supplying featured vocals on tracks since 1999, waiting for her turn to shine. you can bet she started a-stomping her last season prada shoes at diddy when danity kane (bless their hearts) and cassie got pushed up ahead of her in line, kinda like when tara reid was denied entrance to hyde and paris hilton breezed by all like, PEACE!

her album was supposed to come out in 2006, but now it looks like it’s slated for spring 2008, but my spidey-sense smells more delays coming. wikipedia cites the delay in her album as “label politics” and “image conflicts”.

for my part, i believe that the image conflict was deciding whether cheri dennis is actually kelly rowland dressed up as a hangin’ with mr. cooper-era dawnn lewis, or a hooker that needed to air out her crotch.

well, baby steps, i say. at least they’re letting her show that other eye of hers now, right? i’ve been worried that there’s actually nothing under that enormous flap of hair she’s been wearing.

i’m a little skeptical of songs in which inanimate objects are repeated over and over and over again while simultaneously being used as heavy handed metaphors. rihanna’s ‘umbrella’ for instance took a while to catch on with me because, well, the song is about an umbrella, and she says umbrella about fifty times in the chorus, even providing her own echos.

but poor, poor mya, who can’t seem to get any good tracks these days, just released a single in support of breast cancer awareness called ‘my bra.’ here is the chorus:

My bra my bra my bra my bra
My light at the end of the tunnel
My bra my bra my bra
My legs when i start to stumble
My strength, my sun, my heart
When it’s just too hard to take it
When it’s just to hard to make it
Through another day
You’re lifting me up
My bra my bra my bra

ugh. i don’t think i can cosign on this, except for its intrisic ridiculousness and camp value. oh, and the breast cancer awareness, can’t forget about that.

i mean, i get it, your bra is supporting you through tough times etc etc etc…but can i really stretch my little brain around the image that your bra is your “legs when [you] start to tumble”? all i can picture is you getting your leg all tangled up in your bra and toppling over like a muppet.

at least if she were coming off a string of hit singles, i’d be able to be like, okay, girl is just doing her thing for the cause, but seriously, she hasn’t come out with anything good since ‘my love is like…wo’, and debatably, ‘fallen’. in fact, she seems to be travelling the same road as amerie, releasing a string of singles (ayo, lock u down, ridin), none of which seem to be taking hold because they’re all kinda mediocre songs.

she needs to get off the amerie train because that shit is headed towards dropped-by-your-labelsville, and hop aboard the rihanna/cassie train, the sleeping-with-producers-for-tracks express. what, does she need some labial rejuvenation or something?