Bagel Press

Jane: Money. Money, money. I love money. I’d shovel it down my throat if I could.
Daria: You’re kidding, right?
Jane: Of course, Daria. I’d chew it slowly and stop when I felt full.

in the continuing banality that is my life, i was blowing my nose thismorning before i took a shower AND INHALED A BOOGER INTO MY MOUTH. itgot lodged into my throat and i started coughing. i was trying to coughit up, but at a certain point i realized that it wasn’t worth theenergy so i just swallowed it.

PS for the record I LOVE IT WHEN PARLIAMENT FIGHTS. I LOVE IT WHEN PARLIAMENT FIGHTS! I LOOOOOOVE IT WHEN PARLIAMENT FIGHTS! DID I MENTION THE PART WHERE PARLIAMENT FIGHTS? oh yeah, and sometimes, PARLIAMENT FIGHTS.

ok, so now i want some parliament lights…

after experiencing a rash of non asian countries from that damn quiz(sO last week, i know…), including but not limited tobosnia-herzegovina, togo and madagascar (those were the three whichresulted from honest answering) i decided to do some exploring, anddecided that there was NO WAY that i would ever be Japan.

TO BE JAPAN:
How is your quality of life? Good
What climate do you prefer? Stay Cool!
Do you ski? Yes
How do you resolve conflicts? I hate you. Die.
Favorite food? Anything else
Would you rather be creative, or improve upon the ideas of others? Improve

Result:
You’re Japan!
You tried to beat everyone around you physically, and when that didn’t work, you turned to mental arts. Not only is this more acceptable to those people, but you’re really good at mental arts. Somehow you’re able to fit a great deal of industry into small spaces, and this has generated a lot of income for you. Now if you could just stop eating whale meat, you’d be making real progress.

Interestingly enough, to be Taiwan:
How’s your quality of life? Good
What climate do you prefer? Mild and Tropical, baby.
Do you like spicy food? No
Which of these most closely matches your philosophy, ‘no man is anisland’ or ‘I am a rock, i am an island?’ I am a rock, i am an island.
Do you feel like you’re in exile from your true home? Yes.
Which is more exciting, a bar fight or a fight in parliament? A fight in parliament.

You’re Taiwan!
Despite enormous setbacks, including the fact that most people refuse to recognize who you are or even that you exist at all, you’ve built yourself into quite a productive person. You’ve got a little trouble maintaining a sense of personal order, but through the mess, you’re still very industrious and have a small but pivotal impact on almost everyone you know, and even people you don’t. You make a whole lot of stuff.

oh hell.

You’re Bosnia-Herzegovina!
You’vejust been through a big tragedy. You weren’t sure you were goingto make it at all. Now that you have, there’s a lot to pick backup in your life, and not enough people are helping you. You justwanted a little more freedom, a chance to be away from those whothought poorly of you. Now it’s time to build up some confidence,and it looks like you have a good chance at that. But you’ll needa lot of therapy.
Takethe Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

no one bid on mary kate’s thong on ebay?

first person who can figure out what the ‘personal reasons’ thatprompted mario vaskwezz to drop out of american idol are gets a greatbig kiss!

not sure why, but my apartment has become infested with fruit flies. iwent for a whole year and a half in this place without any major bugproblems, but now i’m running around my apartment like Pharaoh RamsesII fleeing the cloud of locust that Moses was warning him about. likesome crazy person, i’ve left out plates and glasses of white wine, andsome smirnoff ice in the hopes that all the flies will be all like,MMMMMM and then dive in and DIE. i’ve been sitting around watchingflies for days, and i’ve come to the conclusion that there aredefinitely different levels of intelligence among those in the flycommunity, because some will just dive right in and croak like all gungho and shit, whereas others will land somewhere nearby and kinda sniffthe situation out, and presumably upon seeing the twenty or so fellowflies FLOATING DEAD in the liquid, decide to just sit there and not doanything.

MY LIFE IS SO EXCITING. next week: watching paint dry.

thanks to all who offered some well-wishing for my bday. it was a much appreciated way to ring in my second quarter century!

last night i was a dumb ass and went to the polysics show and got drunk(it was a work event, mind you) and proceeded to mosh in the crowd,wherein i lost my glasses and they were subsequently STOMPED TO PIECESBY THE RAGING MASSES.

then i drove myself home.

drunk.

with my glasses stomped to pieces. (i had managed to salvage one lens…)

to give those who are not acquainted with my eyesight an idea of howblind i am, i cannot read the text on this website without my glassesunless my NOSE IS PHYSICALLY TOUCHING THE SCREEN.

and of all things, i made it home AOK, but then SCRATCHED THE SIDE OF MY CAR GETTING INTO MY GARAGE.

idiot!

then i made this CRAZY phone call to kirk, and kirk was just like, ok girl, you know you’re hella drunk right now, right?

this does not bode well for year 25.